A Sail of Two Idiots Read online

  Copyright © 2012 by Renee D. Petrillo. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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  This book is dedicated to all those dreamers out there. That includes people with adventurous souls and an insatiable curiosity. Or if you’re like my husband, someone who lives with such a person. To all you nontraditionalists and nonconformists (even if you just wish you were), this one is for you.

  It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.

  —J. K. ROWLING

  You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time toward the open sea. It goes, that’s all.

  —BERNARD MOITESSIER

  Pee to the lee!

  —UNKNOWN,

  but pretty sure it was a male

  Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed in the things that you didn’t do than the ones you did do, so throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover!

  —MARK TWAIN

  I’d rather be in my boat, with a drink on the rocks than in the drink, with my boat on the rocks.

  —UNKNOWN, seen on a T-shirt

  Contents

  Lessons

  Nautical Mumbo-Jumbo

  Preface

  Contemplating the Plunge

  1 Whose Idea Was This Anyway?

  2 Monohulls vs. Catamarans

  Monohulls

  Catamarans

  Safety for Catamarans and Monohulls

  Still Not Sure?

  3 Let’s Buy a Boat

  Research Makes Perfect

  Who’s Paying?

  The Process

  So What Happened Next?

  4 The Best-Laid Plans

  5 Ahoy, Matey!

  What’s in a Name?

  Thanks … I Think

  Final Preparations

  Casting Off

  6 And We’re Off—Not

  Need Fuel?

  So Thirsty

  Energize Me

  7 Bahamas Here We Come!

  Tacking

  Back on Track

  Exploring the Islands

  8 Welcome to the Bahamas!

  Great Sale Cay

  Allans-Pensacola Cay

  Green Turtle Cay

  What Do You Mean You’re Leaving Us?

  Who’s in Charge Here?

  A Quick Note About Charts and Navigation

  9 Becoming Green Turtle (Abacos) Bahamas Residents

  Who Anchored This Thing?

  If One Anchor Is Good, Two Is Better, Right?

  Making Friends

  Brrrr on Green Turtle

  Not Again!

  Thankful on Thanksgiving

  The Whale (Cue the Suspense Music)

  After the Whale

  What Did We Learn Here?

  10 Breaking Free!

  Ping-Ponging Around the Rest of the Abacos

  Becoming One with the Abacos

  11 You Can’t Go Home Again

  12 Back to the Abacos: Practicing and Fixing, Fixing and Practicing

  Sailors in Training

  Fixing Things in Exotic Locations

  I See Another Pep Talk Coming

  Final Days in the Abacos

  13 Good-Bye, Abacos, Hello, Exumas (in the Central Bahamas)

  Royal Island

  Allen’s Cay

  Hawksbill Cay

  Warderick Wells Cay

  Compass Cay

  Big Majors Spot and Staniel Cay

  Black Point Settlement, Great Guana Cay (Yes, Another One)

  14 A Milestone Is Reached–George Town (Bahamas)

  Long Island

  George Town—Part II

  Guess It’s Time to Stop Pussyfooting Around and Get Out of Here

  15 Who You Calling Chicken? Bahamas, Stage Left

  What Broke?

  16 Turks and Caicos–Definite Possibilities

  East Caicos

  Grand Turk

  Big Sand Cay

  What Broke?

  17 The Dominican Republic—Island A+, Anchorage F−

  Life on Luperon and Beyond

  Road Trip!

  Who Invited Hurricane Dean?

  Break Out the Tissues

  Hurricane Season? What Hurricane Season? We’re Leaving

  What Broke?

  18 Our Longest Sail Ever—Adios, Dominican Republic!

  19 Hola, Puerto Rico! The United States on Island Time

  A Tour of the Southern Coast—First Up, Cabo Rojo

  La Parguera

  Coffin Island

  Salinas

  Puerto Patillas

  Cayo Santiago

  Isla Palominos

  What Broke?

  Let’s Talk Anchor Rode

  20 If We Can�
�t Be Virgins, Then Let’s Go to Them (the Islands, That Is)

  Spanish Virgin Islands

  U.S. Virgin Islands

  British Virgin Islands

  Gobble Gobble on Tortola

  Final Moments with the Virgins

  What Broke?

  21 Bonjour! Welcome to St. Martin (and a Quickie to St. Barths and Anguilla)

  St. Martin: The Prequel

  St. Martin: Redo

  Work, Work, Work

  Play, Play, Play

  Back to Work

  What Broke?

  22 Island Hopping to Saba, Statia, and St. Kitts and Nevis (Islands That Brush the Clouds)

  Saba

  What Broke?

  Statia (St. Eustatius)

  What Broke?

  St. Kitts (St. Christopher)

  Nevis—The First Time

  Back to St. Kitts

  What Broke?

  Nevis as a Launching Pad to Antigua

  What Broke?

  23 A Stowaway on Antigua

  What Broke?

  24 Graffiti and Guadeloupe

  What Broke?

  25 Oh When Des Saintes

  What Broke?

  26 Lush-Ous Dominica

  What Broke?

  27 Martinique Gets a Quickie

  What Broke?

  28 Was That St. Lucia?

  What Broke?

  29 Reverse Course—Back to Antigua!

  Dominica

  Guadeloupe

  Antigua

  What Broke?

  30 And Back Down Again on the Jacumba Express

  What Broke?

  31 Coo-Coo for Carriacou

  32 From Miami to Grenada: Who’d Have Believed It?

  Island Fun

  Hauling Out and DIY

  What Broke?

  33 St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Otherwise Known as Paradise

  Carriacou

  Sandy Island

  Back to Carriacou

  Union Island

  Tobago Cays

  Canouan

  Bequia

  Mustique

  St. Vincent

  Bequia (Again)

  Tobago Cays (Again)

  Union Island (Again)

  Mayreau

  St. Vincent (Again)

  What Broke?

  34 Solo Sailor on Grenada

  And He’s Gone

  A Trinidad Quickie

  Back to Grenada

  Solo Sailing

  He’s Back

  Waiting Out Hurricane Season

  A Brief Respite

  It’s Time

  What Broke?

  35 The Final Run

  The Grenadines to St. Lucia

  Dominica

  Les Saintes to Guadeloupe

  Montserrat

  Nevis and St. Barths

  What Broke?

  36 Hurry Up and Wait

  37 Is This It?

  Onshore

  A Visitor!

  Work, Work, Work

  38 Maybe, but Let’s Go to Barbuda for a Look-see

  What Broke?

  39 It Was a Bad Sail; It Was a Good Sail

  Spinnaker R.I.P.

  Landlubbers Again

  40 You’re Hired, We’re Home (Sort of)

  Back On Board

  What Broke?

  41 Sell, Sell, Sell!

  Who’s at the Helm?

  Meet Ana and Bill

  Happy Feet

  42 Sold … Based on Survey

  Another Survey Story

  43 D Is for Deflated, Dispirited, Depressed

  44 Change That to Delighted, Delirious, Disembarking!

  Our Last Tropical Storm!

  Our Last Shark Sighting!

  Our Last Boat Bottom Scrubbing!

  Our Last Deck Scrubbing!

  Our Last Intruder!

  Our Last Peeping Toms!

  Our Last Boat Payment!

  Our Last Night of Lasts

  45 Where Are We Now?

  Now It’s Your Turn

  46 Time to Take the Plunge

  47 Observations and Lists

  General Thoughts

  Tips

  The End

  Appendix: How We Chose Our Island

  Acknowledgments

  Index

  Lessons

  1 Own Up

  2 Don’t Ever Assume Anything

  3A Know Whose Side Your Broker’s On

  3B Become a Boat Broker

  4 Pictures Lie and So Do the People Who Take Them

  5 Shop Around, Be Patient, and Trust Your Instincts

  6 Don’t Panic

  7 Your Eyes Should Not Be Bigger Than Your Wallet

  8 Don’t Completely Abandon Your Ship

  9 Sh** Happens

  10 Ca Ching!

  11 Past Employers Are Your Friends

  12 Voodoo Is Real

  13 Be Afraid

  14 Can You Hear Me Now?

  15 Build Good Karma

  16A You Can Never Have Enough Spares

  16B Be Shipshape

  17 You Cannot Have Too Much Stuff!

  18 You Will Wait for Weather—A Lot

  19 Is It You?

  20 Neptune Has a Strange Sense of Humor

  21 Bigger Is Better

  22 No, You Do Not Like It Rough

  23 Trust Your Instincts

  24 Size Does Matter

  25 Let Me See Some ID

  26 Role Play

  27 There Cannot Be Two Captains

  28A Books Are Your Friend

  28B Keep Your Friends Current

  29 Need Drugs? Stock Up!

  30 Anchoring Is an Art

  31 Fun Is Important!

  32A Dinghies Have Anchors Too

  32B About-face

  33 The Tide Is High?

  34 Use People

  35 Stay Tuned

  36 Dinghies Are Engines Too

  37 Pickup Lines

  38 Everyone’s an Expert

  39 Do Not Drink and Drive

  40 Don’t Be Sheep

  41 To Sail, You Need Your Sail Up!

  42 Pull the Plug

  43 Get a Hearing Aid

  44 Go with the Flow

  45 Use Protection

  46 Safety First

  47 Patience, Patience, Patience

  48 It’s Not Heavy, It’s Your Anchor

  49 Do Your Homework

  50 If It Smells Like a Fish …

  51A Make Sure All Systems Are Go

  51B Do the Same for Your Engine

  52 Keep Your Balance

  53 Don’t Force It

  54 Check and Double-check

  55 Paging Al Roker

  56 Get Wheels

  57 Be a Pessimist

  58 Recycle!

  59 Trash Talk

  60 Déjà Vu

  61 Stop and Smell the Roses (or Sand)

  62 Avoid Shark Week

  63 Don’t Always Go by the Book

  64 Birds of a Feather …

  65 The 15-Minute Rule

  66 Get a Beeper

  67 Don’t Be a Snob

  68 Hide Your Bling

  69 There Is Safety in Numbers

  70 Did Someone Call a Doctor?

  71 Calling Dr. Kevorkian

  72 Become a Storm Chaser

  73 Anchoring Can Be a Drag

  74 Get Used to Anchor Diving

  75 Become a Grocery Store Connoisseur

  76 Don’t Hold Your Breath

  77 Boating Isn’t for Hermits Anymore

  78 Dinghy Lessons

  79 Double-Bag It

  80 Investigate

  81 Play Bikers for a Day

  82 Don’t Be Fooled

  83 Don’t Be Too Proud to Turn Around

  84 Ignition a Go

  85 Swimming Lessons

  86 Put a Reef in It!

  87 Be Flexible

  88 Turn Out the Lights

  89 Prop Check

  90 Checks and Balances
<
br />   91 Just Say No!

  92 Aim Down!

  93A Shut Up!

  93B Location, Location

  94 Strap It Down

  95A The Anchorages Have Ears

  95B Sound Carries

  96 Don’t Be a Dumb-Ass

  97 Think Ahead

  98 It’s Not Easy Being Green

  99A Spinnakers!

  99B Think Before You Climb

  100 Keep It Simple

  101 Inspect Your Gadgets (and Gear)

  102 Be Ballbusters

  103 You Are Never Alone

  104 Know Your Banker

  105 Do It Yourself

  106 Watch Your Mouth

  Nautical Mumbo-Jumbo

  Just like every hobby or sport, sailing has its own lingo. Some terms are used interchangeably and can get a bit confusing, so I thought I’d address a few here. A jib and a genoa (genny) are the same thing—a front sail. Usually a genny is bigger than a jib though. Ropes in particular are renamed according to their function. If ropes adjust the wind in your sails, they’re called sheets. Then they can be mainsheets (for the main!) or jibsheets (when adjusting your front sail). If the rope will put your sail up/down or in/out you’re talking about a halyard. If you’re lucky, your boat will have lazy jacks, which are ropes that run the length of your mast and help guide your mainsail down into a nice, orderly pile on your boom (the horizontal metal or wood beam that holds the bottom of your mainsail taut when it’s up or stores it when it’s down). The rope you use to tie off your dinghy to various objects is your painter. Michael and I spent a lot of time pointing to ropes and simply calling them lines, which is the generic term for ropes on boats. Aft is front. Stern is back. If facing forward, port is left; starboard is right. A galley is a kitchen, a head is a bathroom, a cabin is your bedroom, and a salon is your living room. Or is it saloon? Ah yes, as with all language, boat terminology is evolving. What old salts once called a saloon many newbies (like us) now refer to as a salon, whether describing the main living space on a monohull or catamaran. You might use one or the other term depending on what part of the hemisphere you live on as well. For A Sail of Two Idiots purposes, we’ll use salon, since that was, in fact, what we called it. Ready to climb aboard? Anchors away!

  Preface

  Welcome to A Sail of Two Idiots, a book not necessarily for idiots. If you are reading this, it is probably because you’ve always wanted to sell all your stuff, move onto a boat, and sail toward paradise, but you aren’t sure you’re smart enough. Or maybe you already own a boat but still aren’t sure you’re smart enough. Of course you are.

  Look at us. I had done some sailing on little Sunfish sailboats and the occasional Hobie Cat but had never understood the nuances of sailing and, to be honest, never planned to try. My husband, Michael, had no sailboat experience at all, nor was he concerned about this omission in his life. Our cat, Shaka, didn’t know squat about boats either and, had he a choice, probably would have liked to keep it that way.